Dear Nano

Er, excuse me? How the hell did I finish you? 50k? Where did that spring from? Oh yes, I remember, I skipped on the Japanese revision. If I fail tomorrow's exam, it is entirely your fault. But yay anyway.

Dear Plot,
Welcome. Thanks for showing up in the last 5k. We could have done without Worthington being an integral part , though.

Dear Laurence,
Stop complaining. It was only a few bruises!

Dear Irene,
Er, yes, sorry about leaving in the lurch like this. I promise your situation will be resolved in the Christmas holidays. Your uncle will still be dead, but hey, you might be safe eventually. You should be thankful I've stopped for a bit. You don't actually want to meet Laurence's sisters. Trust me on this.

Dear Book,
You will get finished.


Until next year, then,

Much love,

Ev

Dear Worthington,

I actually cannot believe some of the vocabulary you are using. I swear I did not write the word 'chappy'. My fingers did it all by themselves. Anyway, who gave you the idea that you were going to be in the plot? Scratch that, I know who gave you that idea. Thank you oh so much, Ellie, this is entirely your fault.

Dear Suffolk
NO, YOU CANNOT BE FOUND IN A COMPROMISING POSITION WITH A RENT BOY. THIS IS NOT THAT SORT OF STORY.

Dear Ronald,
Keep up the good work. You'll get your proper appearance soon.

Dear Tadashi,
No, you cannot have a gay relationship with a doctor called John Smith just because you happen to be doing that in my Japanese textbook. You haven't even turned up in my novel yet.

Love,
Ev
P.S. Laurence - down the side of your mattress was a bloody stupid place to hide your knife.

Dear Suffolk's Hat,

<3333 and I haven't even met you. And 'Nicholas', eh? Interesting. *prods Sinclair to do something about it*

Dear DeBattista,

Sorry about the moustache. It wasn't strictly intentional, until I realised you couldn't be a moustachioed villain without one.

Dear Shapiro and Sholto,

I'm sorry about him, I really am. And no you are not having a Shien/Zenon style gay henchmen relationship. I SAID NO.

Ellie
xxx

Dear Dares Forum

I hate you.
I now have two pages of a group of Saturday Morning Cartoon kids attempting to teach the sisters about Diversity. Your fault. I didn't even need padding at that point!

Dear Nicholas Suffolk,
...you don't know how close you just came to being called Eustace.

Dear Suffolk's hat,
<3

Ev

Dear Irene

For heaven's sake, will you stop being more interesting than Laurence! This is not your book!
xxx Ev

Everina,
Laurence is uninteresting.
Lady Irene Fairfax

Irene,
And your point is? Do what I say or I'll go and have Laurence work for Worthington instead, and write about that. God knows he'd probably do better than working for you.
x Ev

Dear Both of You,
Er... I am right here, you know.
Laurence

Laurence,
Shut up.
Irene

Laurence,
Shut up.
Ev

Suffolk,
Stop frolicking around with rent boys who don't even exist in this novel,
xx Ev

Dear NaNo,

Now, now, there's no reason to dry up on me just because I'm back at University and have a) less inspiration than a dodo and b) far too much work to concentrate on. You're supposed to be more fun than work. Why can't I write you? I would blame the curtains, but I've replaced them.

Dear Norton,

Must not forget about you just because Sinclair has turned up now and bands of three work so much better than bands of four. I like you, Norton. No hiding in your hotel room.

Dear Lord-Worthington-in-Ev's-novel,

Be a main character! Be a main character! <3

Dear Suffolk-in-Ev's-novel,

You too!

Dear Stuart and Ev,

Cameos coming up very soon. I promise. Ahahahahaha.

Regards,
Ellie

Dear Lady Irene,

I have some news for your Ladyship. You are not the main characters here. This is why we've been following Laurence around from page 1. Well, page 2, actually, but you are not allowed to turn up on page 50-something and completely steal the limelight.

Compliments of the season etc,
Ev

Laurence,
Stop letting yourself be upstaged!
Ev

Gloomy Pete
Stop showing up, kthxbye,
Ev

Dear Wordcount

You suck.

Dear Nano,
You are behind. Majorly. Go talk to the Wordcount ASAP about catching up.

Dear Unexpected And Horrible Japanese End-Of-Term Exam,
WTF?! Why didn't you tell us about this earlier?
...actually, wait, then the drop-out rate would have been even higher than presently. You suck too.

Dear Japanese In General,
You are cool, but there is too much of you. Also, particles. Your particles are baaaad. And let us not mention your verbs.

Dear Laurence,
You know, you're kind of cool too, even if you're secretly a self-centred little bastard and only managing to hide it by disliking confrontation to such an extent you'll do pretty much anything to avoid it. That's ok. I can live with that. You're going to have to as well. Now find the bloody Foreign Office and get to work, lazybones.

Dear Irene,
Turn up, please. I don't care what you say to Laurence, just get in there and start talking to him.

Dear Lord Worthington,
You are not having a main part.

Love and kisses,
Ev

Dear NaNo,

Aha! Ahahahahaha! Aha! Ha! Ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

So it has begun...again. *Arnold Schwarzenegger style action movie voice*.

Dear WriMo,

I'm not sure I'll stick to you, but I'd like to get this book done regardless. It's looking to be quite fun, from what I've written so far.

Dear Lex,

No physical description! Aren't I doing well? I know what you look like, at least. Just nobody else does. Mwhahaah!

Ellie
xxx

4th November, From the Desk of the Esteemed Author

Dear Lex Lefevre, Coco Limerick, Norton Rose, Romsey DeBattista, Caiaphus Gainsborough, Violet Linklater, Sinclair Bottrel, Shapiro, Malitsky et al;

Your weird, weird names win so much harder than last year's weird weird names.

Dear Plot,

Ahahahahaha! Aha! Ahahahaha!

Dear Shapiro and Malitsky,

If I don't *actually* make you Jewish, it will be a miracle.

Love,
Ellie

Dear Monkey, Jibsy, Ed et al,

SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP. Stop rubbing it in that you have lots of novel and I have NONE. And Monkey, your manic word aims are...creepy, at best.

Dear Next Week,

I'm coming to you! With tons and tons of glorious novel in tow, I swear. I MUST write a lot and get over the word limit so when I get back to University there'll be lots of work done and I can stop worrying about having to do sixteen billion other things.

Dear Deardamnit,

I'm writing more in you than in my novel. Bugger.

You know who I am by now, I use you enough.

Dear Humorous Episodes,

Thank you for turning up instead of, you know, an actual plot. I think you can tide me through until at least chapter ten.

Dear Everyone in the NaNo,

Sorry in advance for the murderous spies who are due to turn up in chapter ten. I was, er, bored?

Dear Me,

What the hell are you doing writing this novel? It is going to turn out Even Sillier Than Last Year's. You have a Stupid Face.

Contemptuous regards,
Ellie

Dear NaNoWriMo,

Mind if I start you next week, when there are actually hours in the day in which to do so?

Dear Lex,

Hello again. Yes. Sorry for that moment of madness in which I thought I'd actually write a serious book. Can't think what came over me there. Won't do it again.

Dear Caiaphus,

Ha! Ahahahahaha! Aha! Ahahahahahahahahaha!

What can I say, I still think you got off more lightly than Dulcibella of last years.

Dear Last Year's Nano,

Stop trying to get in on the action. I wrote you last year, damn it. Stop demanding a sequel which really isn't supposed to be about you. You might get a cameo, I suppose. Or at least the actors will. If I'm feeling very silly.

Dear Tamakazura Family Staff,

Stop eating my inspiration. I need it for this NaNo thing.

My compliments (these being the very pointed sort of compliments as favoured by Lord Ozawa)
Ellie

dear tallan, uke, korl and jen

i liked corsan, jobias, desreal and shem better.

and i miss rake.

OH WHY AREN'T YOU LAST YEAR'S NOVEL?