Dear Worthington,

I actually cannot believe some of the vocabulary you are using. I swear I did not write the word 'chappy'. My fingers did it all by themselves. Anyway, who gave you the idea that you were going to be in the plot? Scratch that, I know who gave you that idea. Thank you oh so much, Ellie, this is entirely your fault.

Dear Suffolk
NO, YOU CANNOT BE FOUND IN A COMPROMISING POSITION WITH A RENT BOY. THIS IS NOT THAT SORT OF STORY.

Dear Ronald,
Keep up the good work. You'll get your proper appearance soon.

Dear Tadashi,
No, you cannot have a gay relationship with a doctor called John Smith just because you happen to be doing that in my Japanese textbook. You haven't even turned up in my novel yet.

Love,
Ev
P.S. Laurence - down the side of your mattress was a bloody stupid place to hide your knife.